Where did the magic go?

I sometimes wonder where did the magic go?

I remember not that long ago, believing in the irrational; in that which cannot be seen, held or heard; in that which must be taken on faith alone.

Somewhere out there lived Santa Claus, toiling away in his workshop, making most excellent wooden toys for every good child of the world. Granted, I myself never received a wooden toy for Christmas, nor did I know any child that had.

Not once did I think anything of it, though. I just knew both could exist.

Halloween was a scary time of the year when ghosts and all manner of boogeyman roamed the vacant, darken streets of fall. Just because you couldn't see them, didn't mean they didn't exist. You just knew they did, on faith alone.

David Copperfield once made the Statue of Liberty disappear from it's base on Liberty Island. I saw it happen. How can you not believe when you see it? It was magic.

Magic, superstitions, folklore... The world was an amazing place back then. Somewhere beyond the confides of my home, unicorns galloped, gnomes mined, and I suppose Smurfs lived.

Nothing bad could ever happen in this world of never ending possibilities. I could grow up to be an astronaut or president, or marry a prince and become royalty. Anything and everything was possible.

So when did the magic leave? When did Santa become an alcoholic with a grungy fake beard? When did this huge unknown world become so very small?

The simple answer everyone gives me is, "you grew up!" That is not only a simplistic answer, but a lazy one, to boot. There are millions of grown ups, of adults who still have plenty of magic in their lives. Call it faith of a religious manner or call it conviction. Millions of adults believe in the unseen, the unheard, the untouched.

Age of the individual means nothing when talking about the wonders of life.

So again I ask, where is the magic that once populated my world?

Twinkies and Coke

So the other day I'm sitting there eating a Twinkie.

It had been a long time since I ate a Twinkie and now I remember why. It didn't taste like anything. It was essentially, tasteless.

Now, I remember as a kid these things tasting so good you might as well label them as "Kiddie crack."  But now, holding one in my hands I see it's a pale imitation of the Hostess treat that used to have me begging my mom for fifty cents. And in truth it is pale. The darn thing is pale yellow, not the good golden yellow it used to be. It's also slightly greasy.

So I decided to investigate why the Twinkies I had in my kitchen today do not match those in my memory, and I came up with only one explanation: High-fructose corn syrup.

The FDA approved the use of HFCS back in 1983... my Twinkie munching heyday. Soon there after, I assume they phased out using cane sugar as the sweetener and switched to the cheaper, less satisfying HFCS.

You may ask, can corn syrup REALLY make that much of a difference in the taste? I mean, the soda companies started replacing cane sugar with corn syrup around that time too and no one really noticed a difference. Or did they?

Anyone remember New Coke?

For 79 days in 1985, Coke stopped producing , well Coke, and introduced New Coke which was sweeter and some claimed tasted like Pepsi. Then when it failed miserably Coke Classic (or Classic Coke if you will) was rolled off the assembly line.

Now I'm not saying that this is when the switch took place, but it makes sense both in terms of timeline and taste.

HFCS is much sweeter than natural sugar. This means less is needed to produce a desired outcome. A company having a patented formula much like the Coca Cola Company might initially use the same amount of HFCS as it used natural sugar thereby producing a drink that would taste MUCH sweeter to the public.

Of course I have no proof, but luckily none is needed when you're complaining as I am.

People were so happy to get rid of the sickly sweet New Coke that no one noticed a slight difference in taste in the regular Coke.That is, except for us few that happen to travel out of the country.

See, every other country on this planet still uses cane sugar to this day! In their Twinkies, Coke, Snicker bars, all junk food! Go to Canada or Mexico and get yourself a Coke. You will never drink American Coke again.

Now... in doing research into HFCS and why my Twinkie tasted like a napkin soaked in Crisco, I did discover a bit of information I was unaware of: during Passover, Kosher foods do not contain HFCS! So if you cannot make it to Canada or Mexico, or even a little Mexican bodega where they import Coke made in their bottling plants, you can always hit stores that carry Kosher foods during Passover.

Just look for Coke or anything else you are looking for, marked "KOSHER".

That information was my only saving grace. See, HFCS is here to stay. The Corn farmers and their advocates would claim loss of revenue. My solution? Grow your corn and make me some alcohol to run my car! Leave my snack foods to the Cane Sugar growers. Hawaii and Florida farmers need revenue too.


So, I hereby declare CORN is to blame for all of my woes.

Not with a bang, but a whimper...

And just like that, a legend quickly fades from memory.

I speak of course, of the House that Ruth built, THE Cathedral of Baseball, Yankee Stadium.

The first team the Yankees played when they opened Yankee Stadium was the Boston Red Sox. The score was 4-1. Yankees won. That season, they didn't stop winning, and went straight through to the World Series and won that too. That's how it started.

This is how it ends:

The final game has been played. Now all that remains is the waiting for the demolition crew and proverbial wrecking ball to arrive. You see, after 85 years of hosting 37 World Series, 4 All Star Games, countless boxing matches (including the famous Joe Louis vs Schmeling bout), multi Papal visits, and concerts, this monument to more than baseball is going to be torn down... to make room for a parking lot.

Before Yankee Stadium, most baseball teams played in fields, or parks. Yankee Stadium was one of the FIRST ballparks to be given the title of Stadium. This obviously means nothing.

Now you too can park your SUV where Lou Gehrig gave his famous "Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" speech. I can picture it now... fresh grease stains on the spot Mickey Mantle hit the big 5-0-0, a few more where Mr. October hit three home runs on three consecutive pitches in game 6, a tailgate party where Adolf Hitler's Aryan Superman was knocked out by the Brown Bomber, and handicap parking logo spray painted over the spot where legendary Notre Dame coach Knute Rockne gave his "win one for the Gipper" speech. Living history.

Perhaps I am making too much of this. I mean, it's only a building right? Not in New York. No structure with that many memories attached to it, especially in town like New York can ever be considered "JUST a building." It's an icon. It's a historical landmark. It's yesterday's news.

And what better testament to Yankee Stadium's new found worth, than to end it's use, not on the grandest stage possible, the World Series, but in a lowly regular season game, against of all teams, the Baltimore Orioles. At least the Yankees won right? Not much consolation.

I wonder what they'll call the new home of the New York Yankees? The Wachovia-American Airlines-Hertz Rent-a-Car Center? Ya, I'm sure we'll be building memories worthy of inclusion in history books there.

Meanwhile, the ghosts of Yankee Stadium will be standing vigil from across the street, next to a Honda Accord.

I’m Mr Green Christmas, I’m Mr 101!

They call me Heat Miser...

It's that time of the year again. Christmas specials litter the airwaves, and like a good little consumer of mediocrity, I'm glued to the tube.

Rankin/Bass is responsible for most of my preconceived notions of the holiday season. Rudolph, The Year without Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman, etc... these were my Christmas tutors.

Now, even as a child I wasn't too fond of the animated style of Frosty. It seemed lifeless, soulless. It wasn't as nice as a Disney animated piece. But it was on during the week on prime time, and it was special... that was good enough for me.

The stop-motion specials were different. I had nothing to compare them to, so that automatically made them awesome. But there has always been something about them that bothered me, and I've never been able to put my finger on it... till now.

Rewatching these specials (back to back on cable) I believe I have finally found what's been nagging me all these years.

One word: Continuity.

I understand the logistics. These specials were produced at different times, and I'm sure the puppets and sets were not saved for future productions, etc... but still.

Santa, Mrs Claus, and the elves are redesigned several times. I'm talking COMPLETE make-over... but everything else stays pretty much the same. That's ok, but the real issue is that we're led to believe all these stories take place within the same universe with the same characters, yet parts of each special contradict themselves.

You've got Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, where he grows up at the end and saves Christmas. Then in Rudolph's Shiny New Year, he's a young reindeer again. Last I check, New Year's comes after Christmas.

In Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, we get Kris Kringle's origin where he faces off against the evil  Burgermeister Meisterburger. But fast forward to The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, and we find out Santa was some kind of magical baby found and raised by a freaky elf girl and this freaky Gandalf-looking deer horn wearing magic giant.

What about The Year Without a Santa Claus and Jack Frost? Where are the Heat Miser and Snow Miser when Jack Frost is going through his adventures?

Yes, I know these are minor gripes, considering these were created for little kids hopped up on candy and soda, who couldn't possibly remember their own names much less little details like these... but I don't care.

Noticing these little contradictions kind of ruins it for me. It's like looking behind the curtain and seeing that the great and powerful OZ is wrinkly old con man.

However, that doesn't mean I won't watch them when they come on. When the Heat Miser hits the stage, all is forgiven, if not forgotten.

TAG! No One's IT.

Last week, Willett Elementary School in Attleboro, Mass., became one of four schools nationwide to ban the playground game of "tag".

Last week, Willet Elementary School also became one of four schools nationwide to showcase their collective stupidity to the world.

Let's see, what possible reason could this school, or any others of the Anti Tag Collective have for the banning of this rite of childhood? Well, here's a list:

1. It's physically dangerous
2. It's psychologically dangerous.

That's a pretty short list, but obviously that's enough to not only ban "tag" but "dodge ball" as well.

You know, kids are pretty resilient. They fall down, they get scraped knees, they get back up and play some more. You can't learn to get up unless you fall first, you know.

But kids will trip over their own shoelaces while sitting still, they don't need to run around chasing each out to fall down, so the "physically dangerous" excuse is bull.

Heck, you wanna play what's dangerous in the schoolyard? How about football?  Football is physically dangerous.

Tag is running. Football is running and hitting.

Running=good. Hitting=ouch.

And the stigma of being "It" is psychologically detrimental? Maybe it's just me, but I enjoyed being "It." You hunted down your classmates, and tagged them, hard! That's fun. But seriously, you want to talk about what is psychologically dangerous? How about a quarterback picking on a nerd everyday? Then that nerd comes back with a gun and shoots up the school.

THAT is psychologically AND physically dangerous wouldn't you say?

You want to ban dangerous school activities?

Ban FOOTBALL, not tag.

Then we can all learn to speak French and salute a white flag.