On Mortality

It's not often one is faced with their own mortality.

It's rather an interesting thing.

You think to yourself, "Well, if I knew for certain I was going to die in X amount of days, weeks, months or years, I would react like so." But when the time comes you find your reaction to be, well, different for lack of a better term.

The Kübler-Ross model or DABDA, if you will, is rather accurate in my experience:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression 
5. Acceptance

Although, I find that it is not an easy step by step linear process. 

It's more of a cycle. 

A rinse and repeat type of cycle.

Denial never showed up to the party. There was no need. He was never invited, he never showed.

Anger shows up in small spurts, gets tired and goes home only to return with a fervor the next night.

Bargaining make an occasional appearance but is usually pushed out of the buffet line by Depression. 

Depression likes to hang around quite a bit, and usually shares his woes with Anger.

Acceptance hangs out on the porch and sticks his head into the party every so often as though to tease those in attendance that he may indeed commit to the party. But as much as he wants to, he never seems to make it past the front porch.

And then the next night, it begins again.

And again.

And again.

I often thought when faced with my own mortality I would do something spectacular, something awe inspiring, something, I don't know... loud.

And yet, as I sit here facing it with open eyes, all I want to do is sleep.

I do need my rest after all, I have guests coming over later tonight. 

There's going to be a party.

Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance and I will be celebrating my short life, and laughing at Denial.