Adults ran the world.
They kept the government working. They kept people healthy. They produced products for consumption.
Adults took care of me.
It made sense.
And I couldn't wait to become one.
As I grew older I kept waiting for it to happen.
When I turned 18, I got to vote and go to college. I still felt the same. But I was still a teen, so I had to wait I suppose.
When I turned 21, I got to legally hang out at a bar and drink. No difference noticed in how I felt or saw myself. I was considered a "young adult" and still "college age", so maybe it was still in my future.
When I turned 26, I became engaged to get married. However, when I looked in the mirror, I saw that same scared kid who needed a grown up's approval.
When I turned 30, I was married, had a job with benefits, and had bought my own home. I still didn't feel like a person that had it all together. I still didn't feel like an adult.
I'm now 37. I get called ma'am. I don't get carded when I buy alcohol or cigerretes. I think I can safely call myself an adult.
But I don't feel like one.
I'm still unsure of myself. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm making things up as I go along. And I'm scared because there are no grown ups to take care of me... Because *I* am the grown up.
Is this what adults feel? If so, I changed my mind. I want to be a kid again.