Twinkies and Coke

So the other day I'm sitting there eating a Twinkie.

It had been a long time since I ate a Twinkie and now I remember why. It didn't taste like anything. It was essentially, tasteless.

Now, I remember as a kid these things tasting so good you might as well label them as "Kiddie crack."  But now, holding one in my hands I see it's a pale imitation of the Hostess treat that used to have me begging my mom for fifty cents. And in truth it is pale. The darn thing is pale yellow, not the good golden yellow it used to be. It's also slightly greasy.

So I decided to investigate why the Twinkies I had in my kitchen today do not match those in my memory, and I came up with only one explanation: High-fructose corn syrup.

The FDA approved the use of HFCS back in 1983... my Twinkie munching heyday. Soon there after, I assume they phased out using cane sugar as the sweetener and switched to the cheaper, less satisfying HFCS.

You may ask, can corn syrup REALLY make that much of a difference in the taste? I mean, the soda companies started replacing cane sugar with corn syrup around that time too and no one really noticed a difference. Or did they?

Anyone remember New Coke?

For 79 days in 1985, Coke stopped producing , well Coke, and introduced New Coke which was sweeter and some claimed tasted like Pepsi. Then when it failed miserably Coke Classic (or Classic Coke if you will) was rolled off the assembly line.

Now I'm not saying that this is when the switch took place, but it makes sense both in terms of timeline and taste.

HFCS is much sweeter than natural sugar. This means less is needed to produce a desired outcome. A company having a patented formula much like the Coca Cola Company might initially use the same amount of HFCS as it used natural sugar thereby producing a drink that would taste MUCH sweeter to the public.

Of course I have no proof, but luckily none is needed when you're complaining as I am.

People were so happy to get rid of the sickly sweet New Coke that no one noticed a slight difference in taste in the regular Coke.That is, except for us few that happen to travel out of the country.

See, every other country on this planet still uses cane sugar to this day! In their Twinkies, Coke, Snicker bars, all junk food! Go to Canada or Mexico and get yourself a Coke. You will never drink American Coke again.

Now... in doing research into HFCS and why my Twinkie tasted like a napkin soaked in Crisco, I did discover a bit of information I was unaware of: during Passover, Kosher foods do not contain HFCS! So if you cannot make it to Canada or Mexico, or even a little Mexican bodega where they import Coke made in their bottling plants, you can always hit stores that carry Kosher foods during Passover.

Just look for Coke or anything else you are looking for, marked "KOSHER".

That information was my only saving grace. See, HFCS is here to stay. The Corn farmers and their advocates would claim loss of revenue. My solution? Grow your corn and make me some alcohol to run my car! Leave my snack foods to the Cane Sugar growers. Hawaii and Florida farmers need revenue too.


So, I hereby declare CORN is to blame for all of my woes.